8th Arrondissement

As you step out of the métro be sure to look both ways (three times) before crossing the busiest roundabout in the world. Actually, don’t, or you’ll look like a sorry-ass tourist. Which of course, you’re not. That’s right, there is an underground walkway that will pop you out and underneath the Arc de Triomphe (you can also climb it for great views of Paris). The Champs-Élysées needs no introduction, but it’s gotten so commercialized that you’ll feel like you’re on the Mall of America. Indulge in a surprisingly fun, eclectic art collection housed in a classy mansion at the Musée Jacquemart-André. Dare to shop at high-end boutiques in the Triangle d’Or. Don’t miss the art and science exhibits at the Grand and Petit Palais, or the oval-shaped Place de la Concorde where many heads (royal or not) were chopped during the revolution, and where two elegant stone fountains sprinkle misty water around a central Egyptian phall—um—obelisk from Luxor.

Arc de Triomphe / Champs-Elysées / Concorde

The Champs-Elysées is known as the World’s most beau­ti­ful avenue by peo­ple who haven’t updat­ed their guide­books in 45 years. Last we checked, there were some car deal­er­ships, a McD’s, a movie the­ater screen­ing flicks at 30€ a tick­et and a Sepho­ra. Arc de Tri­om­phe is worth the hype, even though you missed it being wrapped by our dear­ly depart­ed Chris­to and his chérie Jeanne-Claude. Of the many phal­lic sym­bols in Paris, the Egypt­ian obelisk at Con­corde is the old­est by far. Yet it’s the sur­round­ing neigh­bor­hood that is awash in Via­gra as Paris’ 1%-er fos­sils scav­enge for their newest tro­phy wife. In fact, your dear edi­tor-in-chief nar­row­ly escaped becom­ing such a tro­phy wife dur­ing a Tin­der date with a dash­ing French­man claim­ing to be con­nect­ed to Sarkozy. He insist­ed on buy­ing her a dia­mond bracelet from one of the shops on Place Vendôme.

Berges de Seine

You want to stroll down the Seine, you need to stroll down the Seine—Parisians love it and when the weath­er is coop­er­at­ing, are there all of the time—a result of the unique devel­op­ment of the Berges de Seine over the last few years. The for­mer may­or had the bril­liant idea to turn two lanes of high­way into a pedes­tri­an and bike-only zone and soon fol­lowed barges ded­i­cat­ed to drink­ing, side­walk dj sets, chillax zones, and climb­ing walls that you can dip into as the sun sets over the glit­ter­ing riv­er Seine. OK, so now traf­fic is hell­ish but that’s what all the share bikes are for…

Eiffel Tower / Trocadéro

Next to the world-famous Bir Hakeim bridge, known for star­ring in Christo­pher Nolan’s movie Incep­tion, is an obscure, pointy, some might say phal­lic, iron mar­vel from a bygone era. Lit­tle-known, and hard to find, this tow­er, known affec­tion­ate­ly by the locals who live near it as “dégage”, is one thing that you should put on your must-vis­it list. Just fol­low its night­ly search­light, which has unfor­tu­nate­ly attract­ed Don­ald Trump, not Bat­man. Direct­ly across the riv­er, don’t miss Tro­cadéro, most famous for being Hitler’s 1941 press-tour back­drop. Now it’s every­one else’s Insta­gram back­drop. After WWII, the French de-Hit­ler­ized this spot by sign­ing the Uni­ver­sal Dec­la­ra­tion of Human Rights here.

Parc Monceau

If you pre­fer qui­et ele­gance for strolling among the Parisian trees, choose Parc Mon­ceau. Hip­sters choose the parc des Buttes Chau­mont, and par­ents who don’t mind their chil­dren get­ting their Bon­point and Jaca­di high­brow white frocks scratched and mud­dy, choose Parc Mon­ceau. Don’t for­get to vis­it the just-as-posh Musée Cer­nuschi, right out­side the park. For some­thing more bohemi­an, a quick hop north-east from Parc Mon­ceau is the cute Batig­nolles enclave, which is part of the 17th arrondissement.


Besides being a stor­age area for many of Paris’ traf­fic jams, this nabe, with the name­sake train sta­tion at its core, is also home to the Mogador The­ater, where the Lion King roars in French. By the way, « haku­na mata­ta » in French loose­ly trans­lates as “t’inquiète, paupi­ette.