If your travel itinerary demands a) celebrity encounters, b) bathrooms bigger than the average locals’ entire apartment, and c) only restaurants that have awards for days…then you must be a 1%-er.
If you aren’t, then either start grinding or start inheriting. Or maybe hang out at the bars on this list of Luxe Hotels until you get picked up by Bill Gates; a tale as old as time. Someone is gonna be the next Mrs. Gates and it might as well be you.
So whether you’re a bitcoin baller, you married up, all that leaning in worked out, or something in between (and more normal/less cynical), these are your spots.
Please do say hi to Prince Harry and Beyonce for us while you are there. While just being in Paris can give one the feeling of, “Am I better than you? Why yes, yes I am » (until you take the metro, that is), these posh Hotels (some with the Palace designation: that is, they rate above 5 stars) will give you that baller energy the moment you step out into the street after soaking in your tub with an Eiffel Tower view. Calling all thread-count tourists…#notallhotels
Le Grand Contrôle
What could be more opulent than going to bed where history’s freakiest kings and queens once tread? A brilliant cocktail of the richness of French history injected straight into your bedroom and modern luxury (Marie Antoinette didn’t have WiFi, but you sure will), Le Grand Contrôle / Château de Versailleshotel will not only assign you a private butler but that butler will buttle like nothing you ever saw, ready to pull the trigger on a number of unbelievable experiences like riding royal ponies, playing dress-up like a queen, vintage car galavanting, and on and on. If you can swing it, do this. It’s almost worth being filed away in the sleepy suburbs rather than among the thumping and throbbing of glittering Paris.
ADDRESS: 12 Rue de l’indépendance-Américaine, 78000 Versailles
Le Cheval Blanc is the new ~IT girl~ on the block. One of Paris’ newest luxe hotels, the Cheval Blanc’s summer garden perched in the sky above the Rive Seine (well almost, 7th floor though) isn’t the only reason to drop your luggage here; other, compelling reasons include it’s location on the river: you’ll have an up-close view of Paris as it glitters when the sun goes down. Not to mention the envelope-pushing interior design. And as it opened suddenly and semi-recently, you can flex on your friends that you were there first. Like the museum the Hotel de la Marine…
DEETS: in the heart of Paris, gourmet hotel restaurant, free WiFi, free breakfast, free parking, indoor pool, laundry service, near the Louvre, hotel bar, spa, hair salon, four restaurants, gym and yoga studio
ROOMS WITH A VIEW: Deluxe Balcony Room, Junior Suite Seine, Suite Seine, Notre-Dame Suite
Of course you would expect nothing less than breathtaking views of the Eiffel Tower and Parisian rooftops with patios the size of Texas for 14,000€ per night. I do. There are also hushed inner courtyards for serene dining, and restaurants that will make you think, « I have arrived ».
If you win the Tour de France, you get to stay here for a week in their top suite. Apparently they tried to get Lance Armstrong to reimburse them a few hundred thousand for his ill-gotten stays but he demurred.
La Crillon is one of the few hotels in Paris to be awarded « Palace » status; a rating higher than five stars. When the French government created this rating to recognize off-the-charts efforts to maintain Paris’ reputation as the global capital of Luxe, all the top hotels went into a renovating frenzy to out-do each other. Lucky us, many have just pulled the painters’ tape off the edges and are freshly ready to make our hearts pound.
Constructed in 1806, Le Meurice began as a “hotel of Kings” (which was a pretty ballsy move considering we had just beheaded our royalty and about 16,000 of their closest friends), but is now more known as the « hotel of Beyonce ». So much so that it’s rumored that Blue Ivy was conceived here when Queen B and her husband Jay‑Z visited the City of Light.
But you don’t have to be a queen, chart-topper, or a queen of topping-charts to soak in all the gold-trimmed everything. The sumptuous baroque interior will make anyone feel like a star.
As another of Paris’ Palace hotels, Le Meurice offers a well-situated launching point for you to explore the most impressive landmarks of Paris as it really is in the heart of things. Exit and go left to explore le Marais’ historic district and Notre Dame. Spin around and hit up the Sentier district with the Palais Royal and Paris’ instagrammable covered passages. Go right and wander the Champs-Elysees and the Eiffel Tower. You can’t lose, and if you’re staying here, clearly you haven’t.
Located right off the Seine river, JK Place is just not kidding at all. If you’re looking for a luxe hotel with easy strolls to the monuments and top museums of Paris, then JK Place is worth a look.
The first and only Palace Hotel on the Left Bank, Lutetia (which was what the Romans called Paris while they were in charge) is a fusion of Art Deco and Art Nouveau. The salons were once the hangout of Josephine Baker and Albert Camus, author of The Stranger. The hotel bar makes my heart pound — I go there to get drunk on well-preserved classic architecture. Because I’m that kind of girl.
If there’s no time during your Paris vacation to fit in a trip to Versailles, then book your stay at the Le Bristol Hotel. With regal rooms, outdoor spas, panoramic views, and palace settings of courtyards and garden roses, you will be sure to get a taste of the royal lifestyle while still remaining a Parisian for a few days.
ADDRESS: 112 Rue du Faubourg Saint-Honoré (8th arr.)
The silk thread counts in these rooms are too high to count as each room is tailored for an exceptional experience. To get the historical vibe, book a room fashioned after Napoleon III’s apartment or just book one of their still-opulent apartments that, I assure you, bears no resemblance to a typical Parisian apartment (most grown adults in Paris have the equivalent of a dorm-room refrigerator — one of the trade-offs of living in one of the word’s prettiest cities). But the most atypical Parisian experiences might just be the spa and swimming pool under a celestial ceiling or perhaps the hidden cocktail bar equipped with cozy velvet furniture and a fireplace. Yes, please!
The fictional fairytale of a utopic hideaway comes to life in the Paris Shangri-la. The static that clogs up your attempts at meditation can be found IRL here. There are Eiffel Tower views beckoning you to focus there instead of your third eye, picturesque gardens cradled among the opulent limestone buildings that look like cakes, and so much luxury, it’ll make you blush. Who ordered the enchantment and refinery? Oui, c’est moi.
After opening in 1929, Le Prince de Galles has remained a luxury hotel and has continually enthralled its guests with its exquisite cocktail and culinary bar and choice of three relaxing suites (along with regular guest rooms, of course). The hotel is just a few steps from the River Seine and iconic landmarks, such as the Arc de Triomphe and Eiffel Tower, and it’s breathtaking views of the Paris skyline are the reason you’ll feel like a Parisian. An elite, 1%-er but still like a Parisian…
The Grand Hotel du Palais Royal is near the Louvre and the Tuileries Gardens as well as the Palais Royal and its formal gardens. So, posh neighbors, indeed. The hotel is charming and refined with light and airy rooms and suites that would be embarrassed not to invite you out for breakfast on their balconies overlooking the city. The hotel has its own restaurant and bar (don’t they all…) showcasing French cuisine and seasonal dishes, as well as a fitness center (Really? In Paris? Go on a food walk or something, you can do pilates when you get home) and spa (ok a massage is always a hard oui...)
Built in 1925, the stone building and intricate facade of Hotel Raphaël is a backdrop for Paris romance that won’t leave you blue. Their rooms, decorated with genuine antique furniture and hand-painted murals, transport you into old-school French sophistication and elegance. All rooms offer a beautiful view of the city and some even overlook the Eiffel Tower or Arc De Triomphe. The hotel offers amenities such as a fitness center (again! really, ok, only if you are a literal lingerie model with a photoshoot TOMORROW, do I ~authorize~ you to use a goddamn elliptical when you could be in Montmartre or hell, even in Montreuil!) . End rant. As you would imagine (you are an expert if you have been reading with us this far…) they also have a restaurant and bar (rooftop terrace too!), and event spaces.
***Regarding the lingerie model thing, if this is true and you need our authorization form, please send pix to email@example.com and one of our numerous flexisexuals will be in touch not long after to complete your request.
Built in the heart of the Parisian Golden Triangle in 1920, The Grand Powers is a picture of heritage and modernity. With its fifty rooms, the hotel offers cozy, timeless rooms and chic, spacious suites all colorful in their own palettes of either pink, green, or blue. They believe in healthy living and instill this ideal with yoga mats in every room and an exceptionally healthy restaurant menu. Still go on the Best Croissants of Paris tour though. Keto and yoga can wait.
With terraces displaying immaculate views of the Eiffel Tower, Hotel Marignan Champs-Elysees is the definition of Paris refinement. They offer multiple elegant room types including Eiffel Tower Prestige and Deluxe with high ceilings and terraces, while other rooms are family accommodating. If you brough your ‘going out’ dresses, then perhaps you may as well stay near the Champs-Elysees and book a table at their restaurant called Limon, which proclaims to offer fresh cuisine (but who offers fetid food anyway?). The dress will have it’s moment at one of their live music shows or their cocktail bar. Great for normcore refusniks who dress up all girls-like, as if it were a night out in London or Nashville.
Saint James Paris is housed in a neoclassical residence (basically a castle!) in a park in the first — I kid you not — hot air balloon landing field of Paris. Built in the 19th century, Le Saint James is a special experience of prestige. And if you’re looking to keep a sugar daddy or ~extramarital~ affair under wraps, this place is fancy and secluded. With a library bar, gourmet restaurant, spa, and gardens, it is a place to get away from the bustle of the city and never be seen.
ADDRESS: 5 Place du Chancelier Adenauer (16th arr.)
MÉTRO: Victor Hugo (line 2) or Avenue Foch (RER C)
First this building was an exotic wood warehouse, then it became a Swiss Chocolate factory. Located in the Bastille quarter, not really the usual “luxe” hotel zone, Hotel Boutet combines all this history with luxury in a slightly off-the-beaten path zone for those that want to see the real Paris but not necessarily live it. Reserve the “Superior Suite” for a bath with a view and lounge with a contemporary but chic Parisian vibe. And have something from their cheeky chocolate menu delivered to your room. The definition of luxe-cool.
In true splendor, Hôtel Barrière Le Fouquet’s offers immaculate suites complete with views of the Arc De Triomphe, luxurious furnishings, and spacious bathrooms. Find yourself relaxing in their interior garden or private pool. Sit down for a meal in one of their restaurants or sip a cocktail in one of their hidden bars. Whatever you choose will be worth it.